An Open Letter to All Women All Over the World All at One Time:
Ladies, regarding Halloween -- you don't have to expose 99% of your female real estate to have a cute costume. You don't need to wear see-through stockings with no panties underneath to accomplish that edgy look. You don't even have to wear electrical tape in an x-shape over your nipples to be "adorable," because "ew" and "ouch," as well. We all seem to be operating under the misapprehension that around Halloween, ladies have to skank it up several notches in order to be passable at the bar, or at the house party, or while walking our children up and down the streets of town, ringing doorbells and ... other dongs.
When did Halloween become an excuse to show the world physical evidence of last month's gynecological exam results? When did it all turn into a contest to see who could trigger the most lascivious reactions in a 3-mile radius? When did Halloween stop being Halloween and start being a contest of who can show off the most boob or ass or junk?
Put your clothes on, people -- God, what's next? A Santa Claus with no pants? An Easter Bunny in a bustier with the visible reproductive organ of a horse?
Sincerely,
Somebody who just wants Halloween back already
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